There are moments in your life that truly suck all the energy out of you. I just experienced such an event two days ago and my heart is broken.
When I woke up on Thursday, August 2, it became evident that it was time to say goodbye to my dear little Smart and help her die peacefully. Smart was a 12 year old Jack Russell terrier. One of the biggest loves of my life. My dog, one that resembled the most my personality.
Unfortunately, Smart suffered many health issues in her too short life. We never let her down and she gave us that same love, and more, every step of the way. The past few months, we knew that this was certainly going to be her final year. I tried to get prepared for the inevitable but that's an impossible thing to do. Nothing can possibly prepare you to say goodbye to one of the closest friends you'll ever have, one who gives you unconditional love and is with you 24/7.
I've always had dogs, family dogs and then my own. I have always been well aware that the biggest proof of love you can give to your pet is to be able to help them die when they are in pain at the end of their life. Smart's health deteriorated over the period of a few months but it accelerated very rapidly over a period of just 4 or 5 days. Nothing could be done to stop it.
Since Smart wasn't fond of car rides or visits to the vet. I found a vet service that administer euthanasia in your home. It was the best solution for my crazy hyper girl. She needed to feel safe until the end, in my arms, and that's exactly how it happened. She first received a strong sedative and fell asleep deeply, almost like a deliverance. She was so stubborn and strong headed, she would have never given up on her own. We had to free her from the pain. She slept for a while in my arms. I kissed a gentle face repeatedly. The veterinarian told me to take my time and let her know when I was ready for the IV. It was time to say a final goodbye. Once the IV in place, her tired heart stopped within a few seconds. I couldn't let go. I held her and kissed her. I could feel her move in my arms, I wanted to feel her move in my arms. I asked the vet repeatedly to check for heart beat with the stethoscope. She kindly complied, several times. I'm sure she is used to this type of reaction from people in the same situation. She didn't rush me. Smart was wrapped in her favorite blanket, the red one with the pink and white hearts. I kissed her one last time and wrapped her in her blanket for the last time. I had just lost my best friend...
How can such a small dog leave such a big emptiness in a house? It's awful. I don't even want to leave the house because the feeling of coming back without Smartie wagging her tail with joy and demanding a treat or two is so painful. I know the sheer pain and feeling of loss will ease with time and make place to fond memories of this little dog with the split face and the big heart. But right now I just want to cry. I would do anything to go back a few years and cherish more moments with her. A dog's life is too short. They have so much love to give and we have so much to learn from them. Smart may no longer be by my feet in my office everyday or in my room at night, but she will be in my heart forever. She is one of the best things that ever happened to me.
Je t'aime Smartie...